Remind Thyself

I like to think that I am among the favorites because what were the chances that I could be here, where I am today, instead of somewhere under there where that hurting gentleman is or anywhere over there where that drained lady is. I receive little hints throughout the day to remind me that I am loved, so loved that I am spared so I can proceed with my life-forwarding endeavors. I know that I am fortunate in a lot of ways so I try to put my allowance to good use.

My mind doesn’t always wake up as it should, though. Some days, I slip out of bed with a minor case of amnesia, I beat myself up so bad the night before. I question where I come from, who was I intended to be or what am I supposed to be doing here? Why are these things happening to me? And under that, a sense of homesickness. My soul has the presence of mind to know that I’ve strayed a bit into oppressive conditions, but my mind, my mind lags, recovering from shock.

Then I look around and things start to feel familiar. This gave me hope and that gave me drive. He gave me space and she gave me pride. He gave me resilience and she gave me acuity. He gave me regard and she gave me dignity. I grew up deciphering the tides, an anointed navigator given the stars, moon and sun as my reigning guides. I was put in a hole and not for punishment, but to become attuned to my senses, those which are suppressed by trivialities ringing loudly.

I wasn’t expected to stay standing through every earthquake, I learned. Some were intended to make me crumble because it was about that time to rebuild. It’s then that the most important piece is shaken free and it all comes back to me as a long awaited reverie that resurrects me from my burial. I am pulled from the rumble to see my sacred grounds settling. And yes, more life awaits me, as far as I can see. I am a sum of love. The hardship just comes symptomatically.

-B. Brown

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