Expedition

This journey is unlike anything I could’ve imagined ( good thing this whole thing isn’t my daydream). Because I didn’t think I had it in me, this thing that everyone else saw in me. This thing that earned me the honor of teaching twenty-two blossoming minds.

I was only substituting for about a month and a half before this kindergarten class was tossed into my lap.

I’m considered a long-term substitute; these babies are mine for the rest of the year. I don’t have a teaching certification. My BA didn’t have anything to do with education. I didn’t even want this responsibility. But anyone who is a writer knows about the call to adventure, when the protagonist’s world turns upside down, random people start coming out of no where and the protagonists begins to learn things they wouldn’t have thought to ask about.

And it’s funny because when I prayed, all I asked for was a little push in the right direction. I want to teach college level one day and all I wanted was to be shown the way…

And I think I’ve hit that first conflict. I haven’t been able to write or read or do anything like that for me. I wasn’t able to finish the first draft of my novel for Nanowrimo and I’m only six chapters away. Honestly, I’m crying on the inside, trying to figure out what’s going to come next because I know where my heart really lies; it’s in my writing.

I don’t know where I’m going with this – with this career shift or this blog post. I guess this is me just trying to figure it out, coming to terms with what I’ve asked for.

It just feels strange, knowing that I was heard.

And answered so swiftly.

What does this mean?

– B. Brown

(art by Randall David Tipton: Logjam)

First day subbing…

And they’re trying to figure out where to put me. All the subs came flocking to this school because they have teachers out for training.

I just want to get in a classroom already. This anticipation is killing me…

I’ve got a poem coming for ya’ll, that is, if I survive this day haha

While I’m here, does anyone have any new substitute tips for me? Bless ya girl with some wisdom.

– B. Brown

Today is the day…

I start my Poetry Fundamentals class. I’ve reviewed my readings (which is a crap ton of poems by poets with funny names) and my assignments: analyzing object and list poems and discussing them with my fellow classmates.

And I have two poems due by Sunday for my portfolio.

I’m excited.

I’m nervous.

But I’m hell bent at becoming a refined poet so I’m hungry for this knowledge,

Ready for this challenge.

Alsooooooooo….

My first day of substituting is this Wednesday.

I’m excited.

I’m nervous.

But there’s this woman in my dreams who I aspire to be. She’s been teaching for years, has numerous publications under her belt and has a consisting posting schedule for her website.

These are just some of the steps I’m taking to get to her.

It’s been a while since I’ve been able to feel like I’m in the right place at the right time with the right people.

I’m on my way.

– B. Brown

Journal: Six Weeks Into My Master’s

So I’m six weeks into my master’s program and although it’s kicking my ass, I’m really happy I made this decision. After having more than a few months off from school, it was a bit of a struggle jumping back in, especially since I switched majors. I went from studyng Criminal Justice to English and let me tell you, the difference has been humbling. For whatever reason, CJ wasn’t challenging me. It may have something to do with watching crime documenteries since I was young, back when Investigation Discovery was CourtTV. Or that my grandfather is a retired CJ professor, who pretty much did every job in the system at one point or another. I don’t know everything there is to know about the discipline but it was like my brain was kicking back and relaxing because it was so easy for me. But my heart, that moody thing, it wasn’t satisfied. Halfway through my BA, I grew bored and began questioning my goals. What was I hoping to acheive with this degree? Maybe become a paralegal? A social worker? Dispatcher? Counselor? I didn’t know. And the fact that I didn’t know what beginning to weigh heavily on me. None of those positions appealed to me as they should have. I mean, maybe in the future, with a different mind set, they’ll be possibilities but at the moment, my heart has been demanding more of me, as cheesy as that sounds.

Which is why I’m here, stressing over a ten-page English paper that’s due in twelve days. I’ve been through the rubric, looked for resources and I’ve mapped out a general outline but I haven’t started yet. And I can hear that clock ticking ever so rudely. Nervous about writing? Who me?

Yes, damn it, because everything I’ve learned in this class so far has completely dismantled my way of thinking, my way of writing. In short, my whole life has been a lie! Okay, it’s not that deep but it might as well be because this class has me questioning every bit of writing I’ve ever done, including my first self-published book. It’s like my eyes have been yanked open, my skull unscrewed and my hands put on twenty-four-hour watch. This class looks at everything under a microscope and it’s unnerving but at the same time, I’m finally getting challenged. I just never knew learning to be so damn hard, sheesh.

But if I had to be honest with myself, I know it’s only hard because now it’s personal. It is my dream to become a successful author, see my name on a dozen spines, overhear people say, “Look! That’s the amazing, brave woman who wrote that one series that became a movie and rocked so hard it entered the hall of fame of literature. God, I can’t stop reading her work! (cries tears of joy).” And I’m all like, “Ermagerd, thanks! I love you so much! Here’s a free copy of my newest book! Want to have coffee?! Let’s go have coffee!(cries tears of joy).” I’m rambling… But that’s what I want. To fullfill my dreams and I know I can acheieve those things without having to go to school but I feel I kind of need to. I’ve been exposed to works, I never would’ve come across otherwise, that have effected me profoundly. My instructor is pushing me to dig deeper, asking me questions I never knew to ask myself. I’m learning to analyze and think critally of my own work for the best results.

I finally feel like I’m growing. I’m digging up my voice, refining my style and learning a helluva lot about the industry in the process. I feel like I’ve made a good decision, which isn’t something I feel a lot. These challenges are something else, I tell you. But if it wasn’t tough then I guess it wouldn’t be worth it. I’d be questioning my existence if it were. I knew that this would be life changing I guess it’s just finally hitting me.

If you’ve been wanting to go back to school for something really important to you, I suggest you do it and do it soon. Don’t let the fear of a challenge hold you back. There’s that whole matter of paying for school I know, but if there’s a strong will, there will be a way, there has to be. I just feel that life is too short to worry about the roadblocks. We owe it to ourselves to at least try, right?

Mood: How Could You?

Have you ever gotten some harsh feedback? It’s like the other person is putting a hex on you. Like they’re grabbing you by the scruff and rubbing your nose in your messy work. But don’t keep your tail between your legs for too long. Allow yourself room for growth. If your muse is telling you their critique is irrelevant, then move on and keep creating. If there’s some truth to their words, accept it and learn from it. It’s paying the price of betterment. Either way, you’ll come out on top.

– B. Brown

Helpful Studying Hacks that Every Student Should Know (2 min read) — Millionaire’s Digest Magazine

Written by Millionaire’s Digest Team Member: Anthony Bernardo Founder & Owner of: Teachers-to-GO! Online Education Platform Millionaire’s Digest Team, Contributor, Education, Games, Successful Living and Writing Writer Teachers-to-GO! Searched for the best study hacks for effective studying. These study tips remind you not to study hard, but study intelligently. 1. Do a little physical exercise before your […]

via Helpful Studying Hacks that Every Student Should Know (2 min read) — Millionaire’s Digest Magazine